Found yourself in a mix? In love with someone now while committed to another? Or have you always been in love with this person but you didn’t know how to let out your feelings and now you are with someone else, you want to spill over like a volcano? Well you are not alone.
Going by our earlier post on loving two people equally, we received some comments and know that a lot of people are in the situation but don’t know a possible way out.
We would like to say that it’s as easy as “do what you feel is right,” or “follow your heart” but there’s more work to be done.
Now that you are stuck with feelings for two people, you must step back, understand what kind of feelings you are experiencing and then try to decide which of the persons you should commit to. It may not always be clear which person is right for you. As long as you are honest and true to yourself, you will have your answer.
Here is a quick guide to help you find that answer real quick.
1. Make the second person a platonic friend for the time being. Hold this position until you work through all of these steps.
2. Decide if this second person is a crush, or someone that you lust over, which helps direct the true nature of your feelings. Distance yourself from them for some time, avoid contact and carry on with other aspects of your life and check in with your feelings every now and then. Try the distancing for a day, a week, a couple of months — whatever feels right to you. Everyone is different. Atleast do this until you are sure the second person isn’t just a crush. Crushes fade with time.
3. Do a mental evaluation and study both parties. See who makes you happy, calm and takes you overboard.
4. Write down everything you can think of for the first person until you exhaust the list. Write down everything you can think of for the second person until you exhaust the list. Keep the following questions in mind
- What characteristics are important for selecting a great life partner, in general?
- What specific aspects of each friendship do you value?
- What specific aspects of each friendship could be improved?
- What do you find attractive in each person?
- How has each person reciprocated your kindness?
- How has each person reacted to adversity?
- Is there one that reciprocates your love more?
- How realistic is your picture of each person? If you know one of them better can you still see the situation clearly?
Then work through the list and make comparisons.
5. Check your feelings on the result. If the result indicates you should commit to the first person, over the second, what would the consequences be and how would you feel about that decision? If the result indicates that you should commit to the second person, over the first. How do the consequences for this choice and your feelings compare to the first scenario? Remember that in making this choice you must trust your instincts, because you are in the know and only you can make your own decisions.
We are not God and can’t tell you these steps will end your confusion, but be sure that if you don’t lie to yourself about your feelings and you are not in the relationship for the wrong reasons, then they will guide you to a happy end.
We all have the right to be happy and be with the ones we love. Don’t get caught in trying to please the world. Your heart! Your will! Your happiness!
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